Dragging My Dross

My mom has often pointed out correlations between infants and the Christian faith. As a result, I've started noticing these comparisons as well.

One evening not long ago, Lauren stood fussing at the toy box, which was just a few feet from where I was sitting at the computer. I called her to me to see what her complaint was about. After several minutes, she still hadn't arrived, so I looked over to see what was hindering her progress. Slowly, yet surely, she was inching closer to me, dragging along with her an empty, mesh toy bag. Why on earth she wanted the bag to accompany her was beyond me. It served no purpose but to slow her down, making what should have been a very short journey into an encumbered, difficult task. In short, it was preventing her from making her way to me.

This whole scenario caused me to consider what things in life I tend to drag around with me, things that potentially hinder my faith, that cause undo anxiety, that interrupt my relationship with God. Chances are good that I have many such snags, and I am going to guess that I am still blind to many, if not most, of them. Yesterday, I became aware of just one.

In my finite mind, God must operate along a certain path. For example, I just assumed that God had to provide for our family by presenting Jon with a different job. Instead, He's shown just how mighty and infinite He is by providing in every way BUT a different job!! I also assumed that we needed to go out hunting for a new job if Jon were ever to find a new one. Wrong again.

I woke up yesterday morning in a good mood (amazing what two nights of uninterrupted sleep can do!), praising the Lord for His goodness, faithfulness, and provision. And for a moment (albeit brief), I even felt that I just might, in His power, be able to cope a little longer with this horrible night shift. No, it's not easy, but with God, all things are certainly possible.

While I was enjoying this peace that passes all understanding, Jon was at a work meeting where he discussed with his boss the lack of opportunity for a promotion at his current company. A coworker, who was also in attendance, told another coworker (who missed the meeting) how frustrated Jon was that Jon couldn't progress to a management position despite his best efforts to do so. The coworker who had missed the meeting then called Jon and informed Jon that he had an older brother who worked in the computer industry. Thus, Jon now has a meeting this week with this coworker's brother!

Without our lifting the smallest finger, the Lord opened up this opportunity. It came not from our ambition, but it was singly the Lord's working.

Now, this does not in any way mean that a new job is on the horizon; as far as we know, the computer company doesn't even have a current position available. But what this taught me was that the Lord is capable of anything, and just because I cannot foresee the way He may choose to provide, it doesn't mean that He's incapable of it. I just need to quit dragging along my dross (i.e., my own plans); I need to rest completely in His care; and I need to remember that God is not hindered by my limitations, desires, and sin.

Pretty amazing, isn't it?

A Damaged Diamond and A Perfect Promise

I'm not a showy person, so I never really anticipated owning an extravagant ring. A simple, small diamond on a plain gold band was all I ever hoped to have. Imagine my surprise when, after proposing, Jon presented me with a half-carat, brilliant-cut, central diamond with two quarter-carat diamonds on the side set in a two-toned, ornately designed band! It was absolutely stunning, and I felt beyond treasured that he would bestow such a lovely gift upon me.

I never take my ring off, and after a few years of marriage, I inevitably whacked the center diamond against the wall when running after one of the boys. In doing so, I visibly bent one of the setting's prongs. I took it in to be repaired, and the jeweler informed me that not only was the prong bent, but I had actually chipped my very precious diamond. There really wasn't much to be done for the diamond, but once the prong was repaired, it completely covered the diamond's damage and the ring now appears as perfect as it was when I first received it.

After relaying this story to friend, I was casually asked, "Why didn't you have the ring insured? You could have had the diamond replaced." Even if we'd insured the ring and had the option of replacing the damaged diamond, I don't think I would have chosen to do that. While the ring is beautiful, it's the promise behind it that gives it value. Jon gave me the ring with this promise: "I will be committed to you for as long as we both shall live. Nothing will cause me to break that promise." This ring, its imperfections and all, symbolizes that promise for me. I don't really care that its original monetary worth has been significantly reduced; the promise behind it has not.

In a way, my ring also reminds me of the promise of salvation. I am a broken diamond, chipped beyond repair. But God in His mercy covered me with the blood of the Lamb, just as the new prong covers the chip in my ring's diamond. He no longer sees the broken me, but instead, He sees the righteousness of His Son covering my brokenness. My imperfections will never cause Him to remove my salvation, just as my broken ring does not annul Jon's commitment to me.

A new diamond might be worth more money, but my imperfect one is much more dear than any replacement could be, no matter the clarity "worth" of a new one.

Habakkuk 3:16-17: A Hymn of Faith

Though the fig tree fails to flourish,
Though the vine refuses fruit,
Though the olive does not nourish,
Though the fields yield no food;

Even if the flocks should perish,
And though all the cattle flee,
It is Christ alone I cherish
In all this calamity.

I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy
In the God of my salvation!
The Sovereign God is my strength,
Whom I trust
In the day of tribulation;
I will find peace in His rest
In the day of my distress.

Though death's shadow does surround me,
Though my enemies be near,
Though my trouble does confound me
And I lose all I hold dear;

Even if the storm consumes me,
Though alone I can't go on;
I will look to Christ, the Holy,
Who alone can make me strong.

I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy
In the God of my salvation!
The Sovereign God is my strength,
Whom I trust
In the day of tribulation;
I will find peace in His rest
In the day of my distress.

Climbing My Everest

I must admit, the view is beautiful from up here. The journey was incredibly difficult, frustrating, and overwhelming, but now that I'm standing on the top, I feel complete relief. I look back over my shoulder and down the path from which I've come and stare amazed at the things I've endured along this journey. For me, Jon's education comes as close to climbing Mount Everest as anything else in my life has yet.

Six years (actually seven, counting the year we before we were married) is a long time to wait for something. I wish I could say that I handled each hurdle with poise and grace, but unfortunately, the opposite is true. This educational journey has not shown me my strengths but rather revealed my weaknesses. Most of these weaknesses were unknown to me before the start of this expedition, and it took a lot of pride swallowing to admit that, perhaps, I didn't have as strong a constitution as I once believed I did.

Until recently, I really didn't understand why I had to go through this ordeal. It made no sense to me to have my husband earn an expensive degree that in no way guaranteed a better job in the end, especially when doing so required the expense of precious family time as well.

The reason for it all, I believe, was not for the degree itself (at least for me), but for the character-building that naturally accompanied it. No, I'm not perfect now as a result of all of this. I still can't cook well; I can't clean house at all; and I am very much prone to losing my temper. But this has forced me to recognize and admit my shortcomings and has spurred me on to improve. The verse that came to mind over and over was from James 1: "If anyone lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach." I truly lack wisdom, but God has been ever gracious to supply me with His understanding as I've turned to Him in times of distress.

I cannot say that I would choose this path again (okay, in all honesty, I would never wish this on my worst enemy), but since this is the path that God clearly chose for me, I am glad that He has shown me my own littleness so that I could learn more of His greatness. I hope that I do not soon forget the lessons that I've learned.

I also know that this is probably not the last Everest that I will climb. With job hunting now on the horizon, with three growing children under our roof, and with many other, unseen excursions ahead, I know that I'm not yet "in the clear." But my hope is that the character training that I've done on this Everest will carry over to help me as I begin the next mountain in life.

Thankful

Several people on Face Book have dedicated their statuses to stating reasons for which they are thankful this holiday season. I loved the idea but never got around to doing it myself, so I thought I'd put down a few things here on my blog. Of course, I am thankful for my husband, kids, home, family, etc., and I don't mean to belittle these wonderful gifts, but in this post I'm going to list a few "less obvious" things for which I praise the Lord.

I am thankful for:

Flip flops: two summers ago, Jon and I house-sat for my parents while they vacationed on the coast. While we were there, Jon realized he'd forgotten to bring his flip flops. While it wasn't the worst thing in the world, he really wished he had some summer shoes. When my parents got home (we were staying a few extra days after their return), they had brought each of us a gift from their vacation. As my mom handed Jon his present, she said, "We didn't know what to get you, Jon, so we bought you flip flops!" If anyone has ever wondered whether or not God is concerned about the small things in life, here's the proof. Jon still has those flip flops.

Spare change: a few Saturdays ago, I was hunting through the house trying to find my little bag of quarters so that I could purchase a newspaper the following day. While my mom usually gives me her newspaper coupons, I wasn't going to see her for a while and really wanted that particular set of inserts. I never did find the bag of quarters, but after hunting through my purse, I came up with 85 cents. After rifling through cupboards, pen drawers, and the car, I couldn't find the rest of the needed 15 cents. So I prayed that the Lord would help me find a quarter. As much as I searched, though, I didn't come up with any more spare change and went to bed. The next morning before church, I decided to check my purse one last time, even though I'd hunted through it at least three times the night before. There in the little change pocket, was a quarter! Why the Lord chose to answer that small plea, I don't know, but I knew for sure that He was listening and caring for me by providing such a seemingly-insignificant thing.

A break in the rain: Lauren woke up early from a nap a few weeks ago, so I carried her around on my hip while the boys were still sleeping. Looking for quiet activities to do with her, I decided to go out front and check the mail. I had completely forgotten that it was rather dreary out, but I was instantly reminded of the fact when I stepped out onto the back steps and saw the rain coming down. I didn't want to take Lauren out in the rain, even for a few seconds, just to get the mail. I was about to turn right back inside when suddenly the rain stopped. We dashed out to the front, grabbed the mail, and had just ducked back under the carport when the rain resumed. It were as if the Lord held back the rain for a few moments just for us, and it made me smile the rest of the day.

These may be quite simplistic things to be thankful for, but they each meant a lot to me at the time. After reading Corrie Ten Boom's "The Hiding Place" and seeing all the things for which she praised God, such as a pillow case, colored saran wrap on a light bulb, fleas, and other things, I realized that there is so much to be thankful for, and not just the obvious blessings that we usually think about.

Happy Thanksgiving!

More on Couponing

I've received lots of questions about my Frugal Finds post, so I thought I would add a little more about my couponing strategies and what does and does not work for me.

First of all, I found myself wasting lots of time hunting through my stash of coupons, so after reading a guest post on moneysavingmom.com about the use of a coupon binder, I decided to make one. Since I couldn't justify spending $27 on something designed to SAVE money ($27 was the amount that the blogger spent on her binder), I used Target gift cards and Extra Care Bucks at CVS to get my supplies without spending any money out of pocket.

Above is my binder (which is still greatly a work in progress). It's even purple on the front (not shown). I like all the nifty little pockets on the interior - scissors, pens, cell phone, receipts, etc. I'm still working on organizing all of my coupons into categories, but I'm finding that putting all items of one type into a page, such as baby, bread, breakfast, etc., is working the best for me. Although I have single-sleeve pages for my store names, the rest of the pages are baseball card holders. If I have several of the same coupon, I'll put them all together in one slot and use a magic-erase marker to write "x2" on the slot. If a coupon is nearing its expiration date, I'll note it in magic marker.

Yes, it's taken LOTS of time to organize this, and it still needs improvement, but it's also saving my sanity while shopping with three little ones in tow. I currently take the whole binder into the store with me, but once I'm more comfortable with couponing, I plan on simply moving the coupons for that week into the single sleeve of whichever store I am visiting and only take that portion in with me.

Oh, and an update on my coupon-collecting habits: I no longer clip EVERY coupon I come across. Gasp! Well, since we don't have a dog, there's no need to clip any coupons for dog paraphenalia. I also don't use hair color (though I may be persuaded once I start showing hints of grey), makeup (my husband hates it), or protein powder (you'd be amazed at some of the coupons I've found). If I know that I won't buy the item for any reason - free or otherwise - I just toss the coupon.

I do find it hard to resist a good deal on an item that I would dearly love to have but don't usually purchase. I'm getting better at resisting, but if I find I can't leave the item at the store, I may try clipping coupons for only items I routinely buy.

I also sign up for as many freebies as I can. I do it for two reasons: the freebies are often for healthy and/or organic items or for items that I commonly use, and they nearly always come with a super-priced coupon for more of the item. It seems like a win-win situation to me! Plus, it's fun to get something other than bills in the mail, wouldn't you agree? (Just a note: although signing up for freebies requires your phone number, I have never received a telemarketer call from any legitimate offer.) If you do choose to apply for freebies, I highly recommend setting up a junk email account for such purposes. That way, in the event that you get spammed, it won't clog up your usual inbox.

I'm also going to look into Swagbucks at the recommendation of a friend (thanks, Elissa!). If I understand it correctly, you can earn "free" money to such places as Amazon.com. Sounds good to me, but I'll write more on that when I learn more.

Happy saving! May you all have a restful Lord's Day.

Isn't it Obvious?

Recently, I've come across the John 21 passage where, while out fishing, the disciples encounter the Lord after His resurrection. They were out laboring all night without any catch for their efforts. The Lord directed them to cast the net over the other side of the boat. They did so, even though at the time they had not yet realized it was Jesus Who was speaking to them. The incredible yield was 153 fish. In verse 12, we learn that they did not ask Jesus Who He was, for "they knew it was the Lord."

Sometimes, things occur in life that are so inexplicable in human or scientific terms that we know instantly that only the Lord could have performed them. There is no doubt that He is the One orchestrating these events, and they leave is in greater awe of His majesty than ever before.

For me, the days and weeks following Jon's surgery come to mind. I thought I knew exactly how the Lord would choose to meet our needs while Jon took time off of work to recuperate. He had accrued a week's worth of paid vacation (so we thought), and the previous month had had an extra pay day. While the extra pay check from the earlier month was an enormous blessing, the paid vacation fell through. Instead, the Lord graciously met our needs above and beyond what we could have imagined. My mom came to stay with us while Jon was in the hospital, and she brought with her ingredients for over a week's worth of meals. Other family and friends gave us gift cards, brought meals, provided childcare, and helped out financially. I was amazed and humbled at the ways the Lord used so many people to bless and comfort us!

I also know that there are times when it should be obvious that the Lord is behind something, but I fail to recognize His hand. Occasionally, I will realize it later, but I know that in some situations, I've completely neglected to thank Him for His provision. For these instances, I can only ask forgiveness and pray that I will continually become more sensitive to seeing the obvious.