Birthdays and Birth Days

Even though Lauren and Dylan were both due on April 12th, I didn't think that they would end up sharing the same birthday.  As April 6th drew closer, though, I realized what a perfect delivery day it would be:  Jon's mom had an engagement in the Central Valley (where my family lives) the weekend of the 6th, and since she was our primary babysitter and since Jon's dad was working very extreme hours at the time, we arranged that if Dylan hadn't come by then, she would simply take the three big spark plugs over to spend an extended weekend with my parents.  I liked the idea of not having to drop off kids before heading to the hospital.  The only down side to this plan was that it meant we wouldn't be able to be with Lauren on her 4th birthday.

As it turned out, Jon and I enjoyed some take-out - just the two of us!! - Friday evening on the 5th after the big kids were gone, and by midnight that night we knew Dylan was on his way.  What timing!

I really missed Lauren on her birthday, but it was wonderful to spend it celebrating Dylan's arrival.  And it helped to know that Gramma and Grampa were loving on Lauren in our absence, as evidenced by the big smiles and stack of new board games with which she came home.  (Cupcake Race, anyone?)  She was elated to have a new baby brother for her birthday, and it will be fun to celebrate them together in the years to come.

Many have asked how Dylan compared to the others, so here are each Spark Plug's arrival stats:

Tyler:  9lbs., 8oz., 20.75"

 Kyle:  8lbs., 10oz., 20"

Lauren:  8lbs., 13oz., 20"

Dylan:  8lbs., 10oz., 20.5"

And here are some fun sibling look-alike pictures:

Kyle, top, 1 week old; Lauren, bottom, 1 week old

Lauren, top, approximately 3 weeks; Dylan, bottom, 4 weeks

It's fun to see how similar or different each of the Spark Plugs is from his siblings.  Dylan is a good blend of the older three's looks and personality (or hospitality, as Tyler keeps saying), but he is definitely his own person with his own likes and dislikes. 

I'm grateful that Dylan usually sleeps well at night.  He's never really had his days and nights mixed up, and even though he's on the fussy side, it's almost always easy to figure out what he needs, and he calms down quickly most of the time.  He loves being held but is content to be put down if I need to.  

Dylan's arrival has been a great blessing to our entire family.  The older three love to dote on him and are super willing to help me with anything I need.  I'm often asked, "How do you do it with four?"  I reply, "I don't know how I would it without four; I need all the help I can get!" 

Cultivating Contentment

After we announced Dylan's pending arrival, I was surprised by the number of comments we received regarding our new "need" for a bigger home.

"Will you be moving to a bigger home, then?"

"Too bad your house is so small.  You're going to need more space now."

"Where are you going to put the baby once he's here?"

Truthfully, I'd never considered our home to be on the small side; at nearly 1350 square feet, that's approximately 225 square feet per person, including the baby.  We've known many larger families living comfortably in much smaller quarters.  The catch, however, lies in the fact that our home only has two bedrooms, which is somewhat limiting for a family of 6.  Had all of our spark plugs been of the same gender, we could easily put two sets of bunk beds in a bedroom and be fine.  But once the kids are older, L will eventually need her own quarters. 

I will admit that, after about 15 weeks of morning all day sickness, I began to grow frustrated with our house.  I was unable to keep up with cleaning; the boys' room was a pile of box springs floating among a foot-deep river of toys; the baby's crib was smushed up against the couch in the living room while L's mattress languished on the floor beside it; and the general atmosphere inside our home was overrun with piles of dishes and laundry.  I began to think that, perhaps, our home WAS too small for us (the first time any such thought had ever crossed my mind).

In reality, I simply needed to change my perspective...and rearrange some furniture.  

My brother and his wife lent us a set of bunk beds for the boys, which could not have come at a better time.  My parents graciously drove the set over and hauled away the broken-down twin beds that the boys had been using.  We scooped up the river of toys and books, reshelving, reorganizing, and rehoming as much as we could.  Suddenly, I could walk across their gorgeous, bare carpet without stepping on Legos as I went.  They had access to all of their books, shelved and arranged for easy perusal, and all of their toys now live in their closet within easy reach of short arms and where, if someone comes to call spur-of-the-moment, I can simply pull the doors closed.  We were even able to store an extra mattress under the bunk beds in case L wants to stay in their room until the baby sleeps through the night.

Since the boys' closet became the toy room, we were able to clear some of L's toys out of the living room to make better use of the space there.  We put her mattress up on a bedframe (salvaged from the boys' captain's bed) complete with drawers, where we were able to store blankets, toys, and a few outfits.  Her bed and the crib now fit nicely out there, and in a sense the entire space has now become a third bedroom.  If we feel really motivated, I think we could even partition it off later on when the need arises.

One of the biggest aids to sorting the bedroom shortage has been the development of our family closet.  I first learned of this idea from a blog post I stumbled across a few months back.  I already had some open-faced cubicles, so I bought one more set and combined them in the master closet to make an easy-to-access clothing storage system.  I can fold all of our clean laundry on our bed and then simply put it away on the shelves.  Each spark plug has his own row where he can easily grab socks, shirts, shorts, or whatever the day's activities demand.  Everything is visible, and since I can now oversee everything, we've yet to run into the annoying, "but I have nothing clean to wear!" argument that used to crop up so often prior to the family closet.  Spark plugs cannot hide dirty clothing in the back of dresser drawers; mis-matched socks no longer go missing under the bed.

I'm once again content with the size of our home.  It may not ever be as clean and organized as I would prefer, and some day I'd love an actual school room, basement, or sewing room, but those are definitely wants and not needs.  I wonder how often our wants could be satisfied by making do with what we currently have on hand?  I know there are times when things desired are also things of need, and there's nothing wrong with upgrading.  How grateful I am, though, that we were blessed with a few things that helped me to regain my contentment.

Imagine my surprise when, just the other day, I read about a family of five who believed that their 4-bedroom home was too small for their lifestyle!  It's very likely that their home was small on the square footage despite the number of bedrooms, though, so I cannot say for certain that they were wrong in thinking they needed more wiggle room.  I did get a good laugh out of the article, however!

     

Waiting for Baby

I finally got out our scanner so that I could post a few sonogram photos of Baby Dylan.  The above image is his profile at 19 weeks gestation, when we also found out that he was our third baby boy.

Here is his cute little foot.  I'm always amazed at the level of detail that is so evident even with these grainy, black and white images.

And here is a photo Tyler took this morning - I'm 37 weeks with Dylan.  (I don't really like seeing photos of myself, especially when pregnant, but a few people have been asking, so I'm posting one.)  Oddly enough, at my appointment last week, the doctor noticed that I was measuring a week behind schedule, which surprised me because I don't think I look particularly small.  In fact, when I compared pictures of me at 37 weeks with Dylan to me at 40.5 weeks with Tyler, I actually look bigger with Dylan.

Here's Dylan's half of the living room that he'll eventually share with Lauren.  Our neighbors gave us the crib (there are even drawers underneath that I LOVE!); my Sweet Adelines ladies gave me the banner, elephant, and blanket (and many other things not photoed here); the dresser was my sister's years ago (and my grandmother's before that); the changing pad is from my cousin, which I wrapped in a piece of $2 flannel; and the car seat we got by combining a coupon and a financial gift from a close friend.  While I don't think one can really have a baby without any expense at all, there's definitely an inexpensive way to acquire many of the niceties that help in the early months. 

There isn't any way that I could recount all of the ways people have blessed us as we await the arrival of this precious baby.  From baby showers to hand-me-downs to words of encouragement and so many other forms of blessing, we've been truly overwhelmed with love from friends and family alike.

Sibling Helpers

(Photo credit - not our baby; I didn't want to fight our scanner)

Even though several of my early doctor visits have been frustrating because of all the offers to abort the baby, not all visits have gone poorly.  In fact, I've really liked each and every one of the doctors/midwives in the group, and my most recent two appointments have been a special blessing.

Two appointments ago, I met Dr. R.  I was a bit nervous about meeting a new doctor while having all three spark plugs in tow.  Would the doctor be okay with all the extra bodies, or would their presence only be aggravating since the room was small?

As it turned out, he didn't blink an eye about the kids being there.  In fact, the opposite happened; he invited all three to participate in the appointment, asking the boys if they'd operate the doppler for him and helping L up on a stool so she could use the tape measure to see how big the baby was getting.  The kids were pretty wide-eyed at such an unexpected opportunity, but they eagerly complied with everything the doctor asked them to do.

After the short visit, Dr. R thanked the kids for making his job easier, telling them that they were such super helpers that they'd helped him get his job done faster (even though I'm sure he could have done everything in about half the time had he not been handing out equipment and setting up seats for everyone).  I was beyond blessed by this doctor's willingness to include the siblings in such an amazing manner.

And at my last appointment, we met yet another doctor, Dr. S, who did the exact same thing as Dr. R, letting the kids participate and take turns with the doppler to check on the baby.  I know that not all people are good with kids - even I don't do well with lots of kids, aside from my own! - but when medical personnel are willing to take time out of their hectic, busy schedules to show kindness to my little ones, it is absolutely wonderful. 

Who knows - maybe one of these two doctors will end up doing the delivery!

The Sound of Grace

It's 1:36 P.M. on Friday afternoon.  As I sit here typing, I hear my current youngest Spark Plug outside with her older brothers, chirping at the top of her lungs, "We're swinging together!  We're swinging together!" in a sing-song style with a made-up melody.  While her vocal quality and tune may not yet be optimum, it's a beautiful sound to this tired Mama's ears.


I hate admitting to the fact, but my spark plugs fight with one another.  A lot.  Truthfully, I doubt they're any different from any other kiddos, but I still don't enjoy the sound of the arguing and bickering that so easily flows from the second bedroom or the back seat of the car.  Jon and I do our best to train and instruct these little people in appropriate behavior, but even with involved counseling and discipline, their inherent sin natures creep up multiple times a day.

So, when I hear my little dears playing well together, when Big Brothers are helping instead of hindering Little Sister, and when Little Sister is respecting rather than ribbing Big Brothers, the sound is music to my ears.  It's clear evidence of the Lord's grace poured out on my children, because under normal circumstances, they'll choose to fight.  It's great encouragement to keep at this stuff called parenting; in these precious moments of philadelphia, I'm reminded that, with the Lord's help, what we're teaching our children is taking hold. 

Our efforts are not in vain.

In WHOSE Image?

Despite my deep-seated personal convictions, I tend to shy away from topics that are apt to generate heated opinions or debate.  It isn't that I'm afraid or unable to defend my viewpoint, but I hate conflict of any kind, so it's easier (perhaps even selfish?) to simply avoid confrontation.

Today's post, however, will break that mold.  I've prayed about sharing this for some time, and I feel that this is something that should be brought to light.  I have no doubt whatsoever that I will step on toes, offend many, and likely regret some of the things I will say.

(For civility's sake, if you feel the need to ask about my convictions or would like to share an alternate view, I would ask that you do so privately with me through email rather than leaving a public comment.  Thanks so much.)

I bet I've really piqued some interests with an opening like that, huh?  ;)


So, what topic could I possibly feel warranted coming out of my shell?  Allow me to explain.

As thrilled as Jon and I were when we found out that our fourth Spark Plug was on his way, we were hard-pressed about what to do for health insurance.  Believing that our family was complete after Lauren's arrival, I had stopped carrying maternity coverage some three years earlier.  Never ones to sit back and hope everything works out in the end without any work on our parts, we promptly sat down and listed out nine coverage possibilities and quickly proceeded to follow through on them to see which would best fit our current needs.

One by one, we watched our little health insurance dominoes fall until only one remained standing:  government coverage, here in California known as Medi-Cal.  (It took over 4 months to get approved, but that's a story for another day.)

I chaffed.

To put it bluntly, I felt embarrassed.  We've lived in government-run housing before, but once we'd moved out of that situation, I'd hoped to never return.  I'd much prefer to leave government care for someone else, and it bothers me to no end that other taxpayers must pick up the tab for our baby's delivery.  Talk about humbling. 

The Lord reminded me, however, that He can choose to provide for us in whatever means He wills, even if it means that He chooses to use Medi-Cal to do so.  And in our situation, we feel that He is, at this time, leading us down this path. 

I stopped trying to kick against the goads and made an appointment with a Medi-Cal-approved obstetrician's office.

Things went from uncomfortable to downright awful.

The first time that I actually met with the Medi-Cal worker in the office (yet another story for another time), I received no fewer than three "invitations" to abort the baby.

THREE.

"Are you aware that Medi-Cal would cover an abortion in the event that you want one?"

"Don't you want to get a rush order on your blood work so that there would still be time to abort him if it looks as though he might have some abnormality?"

"You really should get that blood work done today, if possible, so that you can have legal abortion by 24 weeks.  Remember, you're already fairly far along, so that doesn't leave you much time for scheduling."

I could not believe what I was hearing.  Apparently, our government has forgotten something.  Our nation has forgotten it as well.

In whose image were we created?

In whose likeness were each of of fashioned?

In whose similitude has each embryo, fetus, baby, human being (all of those words are synonymous) been delicately detailed?

It does not matter our gender.  It does not matter our lineage.  It does not matter our faith or our virtues.  It does not matter whether or not we were planned by human decisions.

We all, from Adam onward, from a seconds-old blastocyst to a hundred-and-twenty-year-old geriatric, are made in the image of God.

And yet, here I was, being offered government funds to kill that which God had so miraculously fashioned, created, and designed.

My friend A touched on this very point in her blog post here.  She pleads, "Remember whose Image you bear!"

We all bear it, whether or not we even believe in the redemption of the Cross.  We are all imprinted with the image of our Creator God, who formed each of us specifically, purposefully, amazingly, and deliberately.

When we choose to abort an infant, we are choosing to ruin a portion of God's image.

And our government is shelling out millions to mar the Image that we all bear.

It doesn't matter if the one aborted has a medical issue; whether or not doing so may save the mother's life; or even if you don't believe that abortion really is murder.  Something can be true even if no person in the world testifies of it.  How many people once believed the world to be flat or the earth to be the center of the universe?  We can believe those theories all we want, but it doesn't make them true.  We can believe that abortion is not murder, but that doesn't make it true, either.


In the highly-recommended parenting book, "10 Things I Want My Son to Know," author Steve Chapman tells the story of his leaving for college.  As he prepared to back his truck down the driveway and off to new adventures, his dad leaned in the window and admonished him, "Remember whose son you are."  His dad's intention was to remind Steve that Steve need not mar the family's reputation by poor behavior, much as we need not mar the Heavenly Father's image imprinted on us.

As if this weren't enough salt in a wound, the Medi-Cal representative then tossed out off-handedly, "Oh, but we won't cover circumcision.  You'll have to pay that out of pocket."

Please don't get me wrong.  I have no problem with the government choosing not to cover an elective medical procedure.  There is enough financial waste through government means that any cuts mean that many fewer taxes owed.

However, circumcision is a commandment in the Pentatuch, an order given of God to set His people - the Jews - apart from all other nations.

So, in a move rife with anti-Semitic undertones, the government WILL pay to kill my precious child wrought in the very Image of God in order to avoid incurring full delivery costs, but it will NOT pay for a health procedure because of its Jewish origin. 

I'll let that sink in for a few minutes.  It took me a while to absorb, too.

At this point, many of you are undoubtedly thinking, "Are you CERTAIN that this method of insurance is where the Lord led you?"

It's a reasonable question, but thankfully the answer will redeem this entire saga.

It's bothered me that the Lord would use such an ungodly situation to provide for our family.  How could anything good come from something like this?  Why would He WANT this for us?

The Lord can use anything to His glory, and He has done just this for us in this situation.

Every time I've gone in to the office, every time I've received one of these horrid offers, I've had the opportunity to share the Gospel.  I've explained my faith.  I've shown that Jon and I feel that all children, no matter their genetic coding, illness, or health, are blessings and not burdens.  It doesn't matter to us whether or not this child has Downs Syndrome, Trisomy 18, Spina Bifida, cleft palate, or holes in his heart.  We would never opt to take his life in order that we might maintain an easier lifestyle of our own.  I don't know how many other people feel this way, but our hope is that by living out what we say we believe and by sharing our faith with these medical personnel that some seed may be planted, some conscience pricked, and that ultimately another sheep may enter the Fold.

It's likely that we won't ever know if anyone will be touched by our example.  But since the Lord has given us the opportunity to share, we'll take it and let Him finish the story as He sees fit.

Let us not forget Whose Image and Inscription we bear.

A few notes: 

1)  As far as we are aware, this is a completely healthy baby boy.  We have no concerns regarding his health.

2)  We know many people who do not believe the way we do about abortion, and we also know many people who have either considered or gone through an abortion procedure.  This post is not in any way intended to judge others.  It is merely a reflection of the horror of the government system and is intended only as food for thought.    

You Might Be A Fledgling Tightwad If...

(Photo Credit)

A month or so ago, a friend blessed me with my very own copy of "The Complete Tightwad Gazette."  I cannot say enough about how much I appreciate this book.  If you or someone you know is struggling to make ends meet, see if your library carries a copy or purchase a used version of it.  (I should probably write a complete review on it, but time doesn't permit right now.)

(I should also probably refrain from using so many parenthetical statements, but I don't see that happening, either.)

All side-tracked parenthetical thoughts aside, I started thinking about the things we've tried as a family to cut back on expenses.  Some are pretty silly and I thought a few of you might enjoy reading through a compilation.  (However, please don't assume that we've mastered the tightwad lifestyle or that we never waste a penny; our financial fiascos are many and we have a long way to go toward learning to be better stewards of our resources, financial and otherwise.)


You might be a fledgling tightwad if...

...your Christmas cards, if you even send any, end up being New Year's cards because you were holding out for a free photo card deal that never materialized.

...you figure out how to make your food processor function after the safety valve snaps off the lid by holding the valve in place when you want to run the machine.  (The valve then gets stuck in its intended slot and the machine keeps running even when you remove the lid, thus allowing all contents to be showered all over your kitchen counter.  It then dawns on you why the thing was not supposed to run without the lid firmly in place, and you realize it's probably time to break down and purchase a replacement for safety reasons, if not for a cleaner kitchen.)

...you feel a sense of patriotic duty when you have to replace an old, broken toilet with a new, low-flow model that promises to save gallons of water, thus reducing your water bill while protecting the environment.  (You then discover that it takes 4 flushes to actually get the thing to function the way the old-school-style toilet did, thus negating any possible water bill slashing and actually increasing your monthly costs.)

...you are blessed with a gift of Swiffer Dusters, and to extend the life of such a novel present, you throw the duster heads in the wash and reuse them time and again rather than throwing them away.

...you hook up your computer to your television so that you avoid "needing" any sort of Netflix, Cable, or Uverse subscription.  (You almost enjoy the horrified look on some people's faces when you explain that, without the computer input, you'd have no TV reception or DVD-playing ability whatsoever.) 

...you use a paperclip or segment of yarn (or both simultaneously) to repair a broken toilet flapper chain.

...you get miffed when the other toilet flapper chain also breaks and isn't repairable by the above-mentioned methods.

...you then resort to sticking your hand in the back tank of icy, slimy (though clean) water and lift the broken flapper manually so that you don't have to purchase a new one immediately.

...your sweet husband salvages the hard drive from an expensive-but-totally-dead computer and three years later finds a use for it, possibly saving over $100 in the process since purchasing a new one would have cost at least that much.  (And to think I would have tossed the thing on multiple occasions had he not prevented me!)

...you can quickly mentally calculate the true price of gas at Arco when including the $0.35 Debit Card fee as disbursed over the amount of gallons you need to purchase, thus deciding whether or not it is truly cheaper to go to Arco versus the other two options on the opposing street corners.  (You usually forget to bring cash with you so that you can avoid the debit card fee all together.  Note to self:  you might want to work on that.)

...you survive a mild winter without fixing the broken furnace and instead rely on a space heater only in dire temperatures and multiple pairs of socks and sweaters.  (We only did this twice:  the first year we were married when the landlord didn't want to pay for repairs, and the year before Lauren arrived when our current furnace died.  It wasn't worth repeating the following year; we opted to pay for the replacement part and then for the cost of running the heater and have been much toastier ever since.)

...you decide not to take your customary family drive to Half Moon Bay because gas prices are through the roof and, as much as you enjoy visiting, it's just not worth the cost.  (But rest assured you go the very next time prices drop to a reasonable level.)

...you get a thrill from combining free shipping rates, sales, gift cards, and coupon codes to obtain an item for free or nearly free.  (Swagbucks really does pay off!)

...you've never used a brand-new baby crib, even though you've had four of them.  (You never feel slighted, however, since two of the four were extremely high-end cribs that would have each lasted through all four kids had you not had children so close together in age that you needed more than one at a time and had you not prematurely given away all of the baby stuff and needed yet another one.)


And, of course, you may NOT be a full-fledged tightwad if...

...you opt to purchase the 8-seater SUV instead of the 5-seater SUV.  (The following year, you find out that Baby number 4 is on the way and that had you purchased the smaller vehicle, you'd now be searching for the bigger one, thus proving that it actually was a tightwad move in the long run).

...you cannot bring yourself to take icy showers to save on your heating bill.

...you invest in a high end blender that you've lived without for the previous eight years of marriage. (You use it enough and it brings enough satisfaction in its multiple capabilities that it was worth the investment, and of course you searched for several months prior to purchasing to get the best deal.)

...for safety reasons, you opt to purchase high-end, brand-new car seats for each of the kids.  (There are certain things for which it is perfectly reasonable to spend more than the very cheapest version allows, as was proved by two car accidents and the unharmed Spark Plugs who emerged from each smooshed vehicle.)

...you pay a higher fee for faster internet.

...you enjoy takeout meals every couple of weeks.

...you have a growing affinity for Starbucks' Peppermint Mochas.

...you indulge in an occasional fountain Pepsi, despite the frivolity and health deterrents of it.


While we are definitely not true tightwads (using that term to mean someone who attempts to save as much of his paycheck as possible, not someone who withholds unduly from another), it's fun to see if we can come up with a creative alternative to certain situations.

What are your best-loved tightwad attempts?