Recently, I read Carolyn Mahaney's book, "Feminine Appeal." I loved nearly all of it and found it to be incredibly helpful as I struggle through the high callings of being both a housewife and a mother. In the final pages, Mrs. Mahaney wrote a beautiful and loving tribute to her mother Margaret. The author depicted Margaret as a hard-working, selfless, and loving woman who truly gave herself completely to others. In other words, this dear Margaret lady sounded as though she embodied the person I hope to someday be.
That is, until I read these lines: "...as soon as Margaret had sent her 5 children off to school, she spent the next six hours of her day tirelessly cleaning, cooking, and..."
That line caught me off guard. Why? Well, I don't make a lot of public noise over this, but Jon and I feel that it is in the best interest of our children to educate them at home. I certainly don't mind telling people when they directly ask about our educational choices (I'm posting it on my public blog, aren't I?), but I'm not one to announce to a stranger that, "Hey, did you know that we're going to home school our kids?" It's just not in my nature.
So, when I read of these beautiful, Godly women who sacrifice their entire lives for others, it encourages me that, maybe, I can do the same - that is, until I find out that they have 6 hours each day that are free from grimy little fingers and the constant care that little ones demand. I will, in all likelihood, never have this luxury. How, then, am I to do what they have done, while in addition teaching my little spark plugs?
Honestly, I haven't the faintest idea.
I know that I am not alone in this. When my parents first decided to undertake my education 23 years ago, "home schooling" was an unknown term. Today, nearly everyone has at least heard of home schooling if not even considered doing it themselves. Somehow, during the home schooling explosion of the previous generation, families - especially mothers - struggled, pushed, and fought their way through the awesome task of maintaining a home, demonstrating hospitality, and educating their kids. And if they can do it, I can, too.
It won't be easy. At times, it won't be fun. But, unlike my parents and other previous-generation home schoolers, I have a lot in my favor. I was home schooled, so I at least have a vague understanding of what this involves. I have been graciously given more curriculum than I know what to do with. I only have three kids (I've heard of families with 12 or more kids trying to do this). Most of all, I have my husband's complete, steady, and unyielding support, which is far more than many other women have. If anyone is prepared for home education, it's me.
With all of that said, I'll go back to my question: How does one do it all? I am certainly not the expert here (my oldest is only starting kindergarten this fall!!), but I have found a few things to be helpful:
First of all, I pray. A LOT. Especially before I get out of bed in the morning. If I don't, the whole day goes south before I can speak three words.
Secondly, I am a stay-at-home "stay-at-home mom." If that leaves you confused, let me clarify. I don't really go anywhere during the day. Now that Jon works days and needs the car, I find it really annoying to fight traffic in order to take him to and from work just so I have a set of wheels during the day. Staying home is my answer. I tend to stress out when I have a bunch of errands and appointments, so becoming a homebody really appeals to me. Thus, I have a lot more time than someone who has to take kids to soccer, T-ball, ballet, PTA meetings, Back-to-School nights, etc.
Next, I skip as many things as I can. For example, I don't mop, dust, scrub baseboards (it helps that I actually don't have any baseboards), or wash windows. Ever. Really. If something spills on the floor, I take a washrag and clean up the gooey area and go on my way. And with kids ages 5 and under, I really can't see the point of cleaning off fingerprints when they're just going to miraculously reappear moments later. When the kids are grown, I'll have time to wash the windows (I think).
Additionally, I try to include the kids in certain things. Baking is great; we count cup measures and talk about fractions while cooking. I can count it as school; they stay occupied and aren't busy getting other things out; and I get my food prep done all in one fell swoop.
Even better will be starting official chores this fall. I probably won't call them chores since my kids do better when I simply ask if they can help me, but I will start routinely asking for "help" in vacuuming, bathroom cleaning...oh, and dusting. We already ask the kids to help with picking up, clearing the table, folding clothes, and turning off unneeded lights. The older they get, the more they can help relieve me of some of my current obligations and duties. This isn't torture or child abuse; it's called maturity. (It can also probably be called "saving Mom's sanity, but that's for another discussion.)
Of course, this lifestyle isn't for everyone. I know many women who would go stir-crazy if they couldn't get out of the house every day. I also know moms who feel that cleanliness is next to Godliness and couldn't handle a little dust or some fingerprints. For me, though, this method gets me by. I may not be doing all things well (or somethings even at all), but by skimming over some things and enlisting my kids' help, I think we've got a shot at making all of this work.
And if we fail, I'm sure you'll be able to find me in the nearest mental hospital. But at least I tried.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
It's Not All About A Clean House
After my last post, my cousin reminded me of the fact that children grow up way too quickly. Before I can blink, they'll be gone; they'll be leaving for college, getting married, and caring for households of their own. As much as I love having a clean house, I can't let cleanliness rob me of the short time I have to spend with these dear ones before they sprout wings and fly the coup.
I kept this in mind the other day when I suddenly heard peals of laughter - a sure sign that destruction is under way - coming from the direction of the living room. Sure enough, I found my three little spark plugs bouncing all over my couch. Cushions and throw pillows (who keeps throw pillows on a couch when kids reside there, anyway?) had been cast aside so that these items would not impede the happy bouncers.
My first instinct was to roar like an angry mother bear, but I checked myself. Their excitement and laughter (they were oblivious to me) was rather contagious. I thought about that too-soon time when they would not even want to bounce on a dismantled couch, and, in all honesty, I realized that a few bounces probably wouldn't damage the couch frame...at least, not too much.
So, choosing to ignore the 17 Varner House rules that were being broken, I quietly walked away and let them continue in their glee. It really was fun to hear them giggle, and I reasoned that this way they'd be good and tired when nap time approached. On top of that, they weren't fighting. Since throwing punches seems to have become one of the boys' favorite past times of late despite repeated "incentives" for them to stop, seeing them play together was rather a relief for me.
And when we next visit my mother-in-law and my children mortify me by repeating their couch-destroying bounce session, I'll have no one to blame but myself.
I kept this in mind the other day when I suddenly heard peals of laughter - a sure sign that destruction is under way - coming from the direction of the living room. Sure enough, I found my three little spark plugs bouncing all over my couch. Cushions and throw pillows (who keeps throw pillows on a couch when kids reside there, anyway?) had been cast aside so that these items would not impede the happy bouncers.
My first instinct was to roar like an angry mother bear, but I checked myself. Their excitement and laughter (they were oblivious to me) was rather contagious. I thought about that too-soon time when they would not even want to bounce on a dismantled couch, and, in all honesty, I realized that a few bounces probably wouldn't damage the couch frame...at least, not too much.
So, choosing to ignore the 17 Varner House rules that were being broken, I quietly walked away and let them continue in their glee. It really was fun to hear them giggle, and I reasoned that this way they'd be good and tired when nap time approached. On top of that, they weren't fighting. Since throwing punches seems to have become one of the boys' favorite past times of late despite repeated "incentives" for them to stop, seeing them play together was rather a relief for me.
And when we next visit my mother-in-law and my children mortify me by repeating their couch-destroying bounce session, I'll have no one to blame but myself.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
All By Myself
A dear friend of mine sent me a note in the mail last week. One line of it particularly caught my attention. She wrote, "Sometimes, we as mothers feel that we must do it all." I have not read a truer statement in a very long time, and it hit me that this is exactly how I usually live my life. I get caught up in frustration over the dishes that didn't get washed (again), the laundry that (still) isn't folded, or the toys that are (continually) scattered across the floor. I want to be that Superwoman mother who has a spotless house, a home-cooked meal in the oven just in case unexpected company arrives, and beautifully-behaved children who never fight and always lend a compliment at the most needed moments.
Ha.
In frustration, I often grumble to myself, "I just can't do it all by myself!"
And I think it is at precisely that moment that I realize what it is that the Lord has been trying to teach me all along: I'm not SUPPOSED to be doing this all by myself.
Oi.
God has most graciously given us Mommies some very wonderful helpers if we would but utilize them. He has given us His word to lead, guide, and teach us as we train up our dear little spark plugs for His glory. He has given us His Spirit to govern our less-than-perfect attitudes. He has given us our dear husbands who labor hours on end to provide not only for our physical needs but also give us support, love, and encouragement. He has given us our friends who pray daily for us and who can relate to our situations. There really is no shortage of help, but how often do we overlook, either accidentally or purposefully, these support systems that He has put in place?
The hardest part, for me, is remembering and utilizing these fantastic helpers. My dear friend took just a moment to remind me of this, and I am so glad that she did. I hope that I can, in turn, aid others in realizing this as well. God never meant for motherhood to be an "I can do it all" job. It's just too big to do it alone, and, thankfully, we don't have to tackle this mountain "all by myself."
Ha.
In frustration, I often grumble to myself, "I just can't do it all by myself!"
And I think it is at precisely that moment that I realize what it is that the Lord has been trying to teach me all along: I'm not SUPPOSED to be doing this all by myself.
Oi.
God has most graciously given us Mommies some very wonderful helpers if we would but utilize them. He has given us His word to lead, guide, and teach us as we train up our dear little spark plugs for His glory. He has given us His Spirit to govern our less-than-perfect attitudes. He has given us our dear husbands who labor hours on end to provide not only for our physical needs but also give us support, love, and encouragement. He has given us our friends who pray daily for us and who can relate to our situations. There really is no shortage of help, but how often do we overlook, either accidentally or purposefully, these support systems that He has put in place?
The hardest part, for me, is remembering and utilizing these fantastic helpers. My dear friend took just a moment to remind me of this, and I am so glad that she did. I hope that I can, in turn, aid others in realizing this as well. God never meant for motherhood to be an "I can do it all" job. It's just too big to do it alone, and, thankfully, we don't have to tackle this mountain "all by myself."
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Interior Decorating Failure No. 1
Monday morning after Jon left for his first day of work, I took a moment to decide how to spend my day. Ordinarily, I try to tackle the most obvious, most unsightly home management problems (such as overflowing laundry and rampant stacks of dirty dishes) and then move on to the less noticeable areas of concern (i.e., our bedroom, where no wise creature would ever choose to invade). After brief consideration, however, I chose to follow a reverse pattern. Jon is accustomed to stepping over clean laundry that has tumbled onto the dirty laundry room floor, so he probably wouldn't care if he had to do it yet again. On the other hand, our poor bedroom has received such neglect over the past two years - it was our place to dump everything that did not have a permanent home - that I felt it deserved to be ignored no longer.
This decision made, the kids and I dragged out bags of Mommy's crochet yarn, hung up laundry that had been carelessly tossed onto the antique rocker, vacuumed, changed sheets, dusted, rearranged furniture, and vacuumed some more. The end result was amazing and inspiring. I suddenly had a bedroom that looked half appreciated, somewhat decorated (as long as you can tolerate the fact that the bedspread and curtains, both given to us for free, are very different shades of burgundy), and quite refreshing in its now-simplified layout.
So far, so good.
As one good deed deserves another, I decided to tackle the adjacent bathroom next. As mentioned above, I had been given some lovely curtains at no cost. They arrived in mis-matched fashion inside an opaque plastic bag. I had already hung the pair of burgundy curtains for the bedroom, and to my excitement there appeared to be another matching set in the bottom of the bag underneath several sets of tan curtains that are now residing in my living room. I wrestled out my $3 curtain rod from Walmart and, with electric drill in hand, managed to get the rod hung in a somewhat strait line. After I pulled out one of the remaining burgundy curtains and positioned it on the rod, I went back for the last curtain.
Only, there WAS no last curtain.
Instead, there was a nifty little burgundy curtain tie.
Oops.
I stood back to admire the half-curtain hanging down the right side of the window and started laughing. The best I could do was to use the tie on the single curtain and place some matching candles on the opposite side of the tub to try to balance out the color. It looks ridiculous!!
I've decided to leave it as it is, though, because it does make me laugh, and at least it adds a little color to an otherwise-uninspiring bathroom. Maybe some day I'll find a mate for my lonely curtain, or maybe in all my cleaning I'll eventually find the decorative burgundy grapes that my sister-in-law gave me years ago and hang them on the exposed part of the curtain-less rod.
All that to say, if you ever need a unique decorating style, I'm your (wo)man for the job. Trust me, it takes talent to accomplish such feats!
This decision made, the kids and I dragged out bags of Mommy's crochet yarn, hung up laundry that had been carelessly tossed onto the antique rocker, vacuumed, changed sheets, dusted, rearranged furniture, and vacuumed some more. The end result was amazing and inspiring. I suddenly had a bedroom that looked half appreciated, somewhat decorated (as long as you can tolerate the fact that the bedspread and curtains, both given to us for free, are very different shades of burgundy), and quite refreshing in its now-simplified layout.
So far, so good.
As one good deed deserves another, I decided to tackle the adjacent bathroom next. As mentioned above, I had been given some lovely curtains at no cost. They arrived in mis-matched fashion inside an opaque plastic bag. I had already hung the pair of burgundy curtains for the bedroom, and to my excitement there appeared to be another matching set in the bottom of the bag underneath several sets of tan curtains that are now residing in my living room. I wrestled out my $3 curtain rod from Walmart and, with electric drill in hand, managed to get the rod hung in a somewhat strait line. After I pulled out one of the remaining burgundy curtains and positioned it on the rod, I went back for the last curtain.
Only, there WAS no last curtain.
Instead, there was a nifty little burgundy curtain tie.
Oops.
I stood back to admire the half-curtain hanging down the right side of the window and started laughing. The best I could do was to use the tie on the single curtain and place some matching candles on the opposite side of the tub to try to balance out the color. It looks ridiculous!!
I've decided to leave it as it is, though, because it does make me laugh, and at least it adds a little color to an otherwise-uninspiring bathroom. Maybe some day I'll find a mate for my lonely curtain, or maybe in all my cleaning I'll eventually find the decorative burgundy grapes that my sister-in-law gave me years ago and hang them on the exposed part of the curtain-less rod.
All that to say, if you ever need a unique decorating style, I'm your (wo)man for the job. Trust me, it takes talent to accomplish such feats!
Friday, June 18, 2010
The Great Day Has Arrived
My poor blog!! How have I neglected thee? I hope to make it up to you with the wonderful news I have to share in this post: starting Monday (yes, THIS Monday, as in 3 days from today!), Jon will begin a day-time position with a local company!!
I really haven't a clue about how I should be feeling right now. 5 years is a long time to endure something that, to me, was so unpleasant. 5 years also provides enough time to learn to passively accept that which I despise, to adjust to something to the point of its becoming "normal." So even though I've learned to put up with the grueling necessity of the night shift, I have no qualms of bidding it goodbye (except to be afraid that the new job will somehow fall through and we'll have to go back to it...again).
The greatest emotion I currently feel is thankfulness. I am thankful to God for giving me this wonderful gift. I am thankful to the many, many faithful family and friends who have prayed with us for so long. I am thankful to be released from the drudgery of being a night-time single parent. I am thankful that my husband can finally go to a job that he looks forward to, and one which will hopefully enable him to live a more healthy lifestyle (grave shift doesn't do much for one's immune system, that's for sure!).
I hope I never lose this thankfulness; I hope I never forget what it is that we are leaving behind; and I hope I never forget to pray for those who must continue on with late-night hours or other less-than-ideal employment.
Hopefully this will help me to become a better wife, mother, and homemaker. I have tried my best to improve on these qualities while Jon was still on nights, but now that I won't have to tell the kids to be quiet at every turn, now that I can clean and vacuum without worrying about waking anyone up, and now that our schedule will be closer to what the world calls "normal," I hope to do even better. I am excited about the possibilities!
With that light, I also hope to take a slightly different (and more consistent!) approach with my blog. For those who are interested, I plan to share some of my trials and triumphs as I plunge ahead into improving my teaching, cleaning, and culinary skills. I admit that I anticipate many set-backs, but hopefully I will be able to present them in a humorous fashion that others can relate to.
And, if all else fails, I'll just go back to ignoring my blog. :)
I really haven't a clue about how I should be feeling right now. 5 years is a long time to endure something that, to me, was so unpleasant. 5 years also provides enough time to learn to passively accept that which I despise, to adjust to something to the point of its becoming "normal." So even though I've learned to put up with the grueling necessity of the night shift, I have no qualms of bidding it goodbye (except to be afraid that the new job will somehow fall through and we'll have to go back to it...again).
The greatest emotion I currently feel is thankfulness. I am thankful to God for giving me this wonderful gift. I am thankful to the many, many faithful family and friends who have prayed with us for so long. I am thankful to be released from the drudgery of being a night-time single parent. I am thankful that my husband can finally go to a job that he looks forward to, and one which will hopefully enable him to live a more healthy lifestyle (grave shift doesn't do much for one's immune system, that's for sure!).
I hope I never lose this thankfulness; I hope I never forget what it is that we are leaving behind; and I hope I never forget to pray for those who must continue on with late-night hours or other less-than-ideal employment.
Hopefully this will help me to become a better wife, mother, and homemaker. I have tried my best to improve on these qualities while Jon was still on nights, but now that I won't have to tell the kids to be quiet at every turn, now that I can clean and vacuum without worrying about waking anyone up, and now that our schedule will be closer to what the world calls "normal," I hope to do even better. I am excited about the possibilities!
With that light, I also hope to take a slightly different (and more consistent!) approach with my blog. For those who are interested, I plan to share some of my trials and triumphs as I plunge ahead into improving my teaching, cleaning, and culinary skills. I admit that I anticipate many set-backs, but hopefully I will be able to present them in a humorous fashion that others can relate to.
And, if all else fails, I'll just go back to ignoring my blog. :)
Monday, May 3, 2010
It's Gonna Be A Long Night
One of the biggest reasons I hate the night shift is because it leaves me home alone, with three little ones and without a car. My greatest fear is that one of them will come down with something in the middle of the night when I am least able to properly care for them.
The ironic thing is that this has never happened - although the kids wake me up for various reasons, it's never been due to illness. This just goes to show that the Lord will not try us beyond our capabilities! He knows my limitations, and He has not required me (yet) to face this particular fear. And if/when He does, I also know that He will supply the grace I'll need to handle the situation.
Even more ironic is the fact that I'm sitting here at the computer at 12:53 A.M. because I'm coughing so hard I can't sleep. So, instead of being up with a sick little one, I'm up with a sick ME! I have a feeling that it's going to be a long night. While I do hope that I can soon be rid of this most recent virus, it is a good reminder to be thankful for my health when I do have it.
And it also reminded me of a funny incident that occurred a few weeks back. I was sound asleep when, at 3:40A.M., I heard a little voice.
Kyle: Mommy? I can't find my pillow.
Me: Just look for it in the morning.
Kyle: But I really NEED my pillow.
Me (stumbling, half asleep, into his room): Kyle, it's right there, at the top of your bed, where it belongs!
Kyle: Oh, yeah. I forgot.
Oh, the joys of being a night-time parent! :)
The ironic thing is that this has never happened - although the kids wake me up for various reasons, it's never been due to illness. This just goes to show that the Lord will not try us beyond our capabilities! He knows my limitations, and He has not required me (yet) to face this particular fear. And if/when He does, I also know that He will supply the grace I'll need to handle the situation.
Even more ironic is the fact that I'm sitting here at the computer at 12:53 A.M. because I'm coughing so hard I can't sleep. So, instead of being up with a sick little one, I'm up with a sick ME! I have a feeling that it's going to be a long night. While I do hope that I can soon be rid of this most recent virus, it is a good reminder to be thankful for my health when I do have it.
And it also reminded me of a funny incident that occurred a few weeks back. I was sound asleep when, at 3:40A.M., I heard a little voice.
Kyle: Mommy? I can't find my pillow.
Me: Just look for it in the morning.
Kyle: But I really NEED my pillow.
Me (stumbling, half asleep, into his room): Kyle, it's right there, at the top of your bed, where it belongs!
Kyle: Oh, yeah. I forgot.
Oh, the joys of being a night-time parent! :)
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Hesitant Anticipation
Before Jon graduated, I eagerly longed for the day he would no longer have school work. It just could not come quickly enough, in my opinion! Now that we're on the other side of graduation (and let me assure you, it's been every bit as wonderful as I'd imagined!), I am just as eager for the day that he'll no longer work nights. I mean, if no school is this good, what could be better than having him work normal hours where he can be home with me at night and on the weekends?
And yet, as much as I want that new job, I have to admit that I also hesitate, just a little. What if the new job falls through? What if it requires a move? What if, what if, what if? The security guard job he has is working...sort of. It's getting us by for the time being, and it probably isn't going to fall through no matter how poor the economy becomes. In an odd way, I've come to depend on it, even though I loathe it as well.
Does this sound rather silly? It does to me, when I step back and think about it. I guess the insecurity comes from what has happened before: he worked nights years ago but then landed a great, high-paying day job. But when that fell through, he had to go back to nights. I'm afraid of going through that again.
Really, this is how I feel about Heaven and life after death. The Bible has promised that Heaven is for all of us who believe, that it is far better, far richer, far more wonderful than we can ever hope to imagine. And yet, since I've not actually seen it, since I cannot touch it, picture it, or imagine it, I am afraid of it. It's the unknown. Those who are already there are probably shaking their heads at me. It will be better than anything I have ever known, just as having Jon on a day shift will be unfathomably better than his current work situation.
So, I anticipate both Jon's new job (whenever it comes) and Heaven...but with just a hint of hesitation on the side. I'm sure that after the change has taken place, I will laugh at myself for being so silly. Perhaps, though, this is what keeps me human.
And yet, as much as I want that new job, I have to admit that I also hesitate, just a little. What if the new job falls through? What if it requires a move? What if, what if, what if? The security guard job he has is working...sort of. It's getting us by for the time being, and it probably isn't going to fall through no matter how poor the economy becomes. In an odd way, I've come to depend on it, even though I loathe it as well.
Does this sound rather silly? It does to me, when I step back and think about it. I guess the insecurity comes from what has happened before: he worked nights years ago but then landed a great, high-paying day job. But when that fell through, he had to go back to nights. I'm afraid of going through that again.
Really, this is how I feel about Heaven and life after death. The Bible has promised that Heaven is for all of us who believe, that it is far better, far richer, far more wonderful than we can ever hope to imagine. And yet, since I've not actually seen it, since I cannot touch it, picture it, or imagine it, I am afraid of it. It's the unknown. Those who are already there are probably shaking their heads at me. It will be better than anything I have ever known, just as having Jon on a day shift will be unfathomably better than his current work situation.
So, I anticipate both Jon's new job (whenever it comes) and Heaven...but with just a hint of hesitation on the side. I'm sure that after the change has taken place, I will laugh at myself for being so silly. Perhaps, though, this is what keeps me human.
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